The Golden Rules to Pain-free Anal Sex & Play

Imagine this; you're getting intimate with your partner. And he suddenly whispers, "Let's try anal sex." 

Those four words I've heard in the middle of having sexual intercourse. And the request made me so nervous. I was thinking, "what's wrong with my vagina? What's wrong with the frontal area?" 

Anal sex or play is a fetish for some people. I've had two people request this from me. For some, they are comfortable with going there and love it. But for others, they've had that same terrified feeling I've had. 

In a recent episode of The Sexytime Podcast, Belle and Ava had a conversation with Dr. Goldstein, a sexual health and wellness expert, anal surgeon, and co-founder of Future Method, which is a men's health brand that carries products catering to sex care. (There's also part two of this episode here.) 

Here's what I learned about anal sex and play: 

Every bottom is different. In the episode, Dr. Goldstein shared that there are three types of bottoms:

  1. One that can control and relax easily is referred to as a power bottom.
  2. A "newbie" bottom needs a little work with sex toys like butt plugs, dildos and lube
  3. The bottom that's a bit tougher, whether it has hemorrhoids or fissures. This type may need surgical help or anal botox to help relax the butt. 

Before engaging in anal sex, examine your bottom and determine which category you fall in. 

Get to know your anal area.  Understand your anatomy. Never go from nothing to something when it comes to anal sex. When people shock the anal area, an injury can happen. You need to stretch your muscles and toughen the skin in the anal area. He recommends about six weeks of using toys on your own. You can do this in the shower if it's more comfortable. 

He recommended for the first and second weeks, use small toys with lube. It doesn't matter if it's too easy! Just try it out. After the first few weeks, you can increase to medium or large. Think of it as an anal prep work out— two sets of twelve reps of putting the toy in and out of the anal area. 

Think of your total body health. Most people will douche and want it extra clean. However, this thinking can be counterproductive and dry the area, which is unpleasant when engaging in anal sex. Instead, he suggested watching your fiber intake. If you want to douche to feel sexy, you can try Future Method's powder or liquid packs, which don't dry the anal area. 

Take control. There's an idea that if you are at the bottom, you must be submissive. This thinking needs to be reversed. Dr. Goldstein suggested taking control when it comes to penetration. It's your anal area, and the pressure you can handle is all up to you. 

Lube it up.Unlike the vagina, the anal area doesn't have natural lube. So, getting a lubricant such as Jellytime's lubricant is crucial to an enjoyable anal sex experience. Some people also use coconut oil but take note that it's not safe to use with latex condoms. Also, avoid baby oil or Vaseline as it dries out anal tissues. 

Communicate. Communication is also a form of lubrication, mentally. For some, anal sex can be very stressful, so two people need to communicate well before experimenting. You want to make sure that both people are relaxed. Check out this guide to effective communication. 


Looking back at my experiences, the secret ingredient is prep work. Not all butts are built for anal sex and play. But you can work your way to pleasurable anal sex and play. So, go ahead, buy a butt plug, some lube, and ask for a butt massage. 

So, are you up for trying anal sex and play? You can check out Jellytime's lubricant and get discreet nationwide shipping from your trusted sex shop in the Philippines! Find us also at Shopee and Lazada.

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