Of all the things that everyone should stop policing about women, her body count should be on top of that list. You don’t need to know it, it doesn’t matter, and it’s none of your business.
Before I explain why women don’t owe you an explanation for their body count, you should know what it means first.
Basically, the body count is the number of people you’ve had penetrative sex with. The keyword is penetration. No matter how intense the make-out was, or how much stuff you have done with someone, it does not add up to your body count unless there was penetration.
So, with that said, is it really important to “know” your partner’s body count? The simple answer is: No.
But why not, though?
Because the whole craze about knowing the body count of a woman roots from misogyny. There is a lot of stigma and shame surrounding women with a lot of sexual experiences, and they have been frowned upon for way too long. Men do not experience this at all, because for them, the concept of “the more, the merrier” applies. Women are not accorded with the same courtesy. And the ironic thing is, if you ask a man why a woman’s body count should be “disclosed” before the relationship gets serious, he’d probably answer something along the lines of “oh well, no man wants to be with a woman who’s been all around the town…” Not fair, bro.
Boys, listen. The fact is, women love sex equally as you all. It is time you come to terms with the reality that women are sexual beings too. They are in charge of their own lives, and they have the right to their body, just like you. If she’s kind, smart, and funny, and you enjoy her company, what difference does it make? How does her body count change all of that?
It just all stems from the stigma that is all too often glossed over or ignored. Honestly, whether you’re a man or a woman - having sex and pleasure is your right. It does not decrease your value and should not have any bearing on your relationship. Sure, there are sexual conversations about your “past” that you ought to divulge. Like, do you have a kid with another person? Have you had any history of STDs? When was the last time you had a sexual health check? These questions are valid, helpful, and healthy. Sharing this kind of past is paramount to establishing trust in the relationship, especially if the relationship starts to get serious. But you know what isn’t valid and helpful nor healthy at the same time? Trying to ballpark your partner’s body count. You have got to stop taking inventory. A woman’s body count does not matter, and really neither should a man’s.
The general rule of thumb is, as long as you are not increasing your number while in a monogamous relationship, you can have all the sex you want. Just make sure it is safe and consensual.
Speaking of safety, you may want to keep a handy tube of Natural Water-based Personal Lubricant to boost your body's natural moisture and avoid accidental skin tears. Find more sexual health tips when you listen to The Sexytime Podcast.
By Coco Eje